3.08.2010

History Lessons: The Monocle



monocle is a type of corrective lens used to correct the vision in only one eye. It consists of a circular lens, generally with a wire ring around the circumference that can be attached to a string. The other end of the string is then connected to the wearer's clothing to avoid losing the monocle.  The monocle did not become an article of gentlemen's apparel until the nineteenth century. It was introduced by the dandy's quizzing glass of the 1790s, as a sense of high fashion.


Now we all know that the true usage of the monocle stems from those Peeping Tom's who are nearsighted. These voyeurs normally will wear glasses when you see them out in public. They disguise themselves by wearing different clothing, maybe throwing us off with a hat. Yet, the biggest change of their normal everyday wear is the absence of their glasses. When they are out stalking in our neighborhoods they look completely different. How to solve their nearsightedness without being too obvious is the monocle. The monocle can be easily hidden when the voyeur is discovered. Usually you can catch our neighborhood perverts spying through the window amateurishly with their whole face pressed against the glass. An experienced lurker will only show  less than half of their face while peering through our windows. When the blinds are down or curtains not completely closed, said creepsters can only see us one eye at a time. This is how the monocle is the perfect tool for neighborhood voyeurs. 




After the realization that monocles are the niche eye-wear for snoopers, we find ourselves recalling all of those that sported one. The people that come to mind right away are: Werner von Fritsch; Sylvia von Harden; Joseph Chamberlain; Mohammad Ali Jinnah; Fritz Lang; Major Johnnie Cradock; Ralph Lynn; Karl Marx; G. E. M. Anscombe; Sir Patrick Moore; Chris Eubank; King Taufa'ahau Tupou V; Barnett Newman; Richard Tauber; Colonel Mustard; The Penguin;  Edgar Bergen's dummy Charlie McCarthy (Thanks AD);  and the notorious, most perverted Mr. Peanut.






Mr. Peanut was born in 1916 in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania. He was the brain-child of a fourteen year-old schoolboy and a local artist hired by Planters Peanuts. Since his conception, Mr. Peanut has appeared in many TV commercials as an animated cartoon character. Yet, those who have had the unpleasant chance of "meeting" Mr. Peanut will tell you what he is like IN REAL LIFE. Mr. Peanut's victims (MPVs) have been voicing their experiences as of recent. With the help of the internet MPVs have networked together to expose the real truth behind the voyeuristic mascot. 






I am not saying that all wearers of monocles are going to spy in your window while you undress. What I am saying is that you have to be careful around such people. I have heard that there is a rumored come-back of the monocle in high fashion.  

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